For starters, he never interrupts me while I'm talking and always listens. In fact, he doesn't say much at all. He doesn't like other girl's instagram posts!! Ladies, we love a man with no social media (or name, or birth certificate, or any record of him actually being a real person) He's consistent. I mean, I see him every single day (well, night technically). I always know where to find him. He haunts me in my sleep all night, so I know he doesn't have the time to see other

What better way to celebrate the 4th then by going outside and popping a few rounds into the air, and I'm not talking about fireworks! This is the U.S.A baby, if you don't have a gun, then what are you doing? Having a gun simply allows me to feel safe since everyone else in this country has one too. Food shopping? Strapped. Working out? Strapped. School pick-up? Double strapped, for obvious reasons (it seems we never learn, do we?). Anyways, Happy 4th to all you Americans who

You heard it here folks, not finishing a Maragrita at Margaritaville is bascially the same as dropping our flag on the ground, just...

With all this technology and advancements, you'd think there would be more information on the internet for how to rob a bank successfully...

Babies can't swim so you don't have to worry about them getting their tattoos wet in pools or oceans Other babies at daycare will know...

A message from Chomp Chomp Charters on their refund policy: We clearly have many signs at our locations that state 'Do not Date the Tour Guides'. We also make it very clear that although you may think you want to, you should not marry any of our tour guides. If you are a girl who loves pop music, our tour guides are NOT the ones for you. Lana del Rey is a rare occurence, a fluke in the system if you may. You also are not a millionaire pop-star so if you marry one of our tour