Ted Cruz Totally Relates to Texans

(I wrote this 4 days ago but forgot to publish it, oops)

Many of you are probably thinking that Ted Cruz is awful and a coward for leaving his state and fellow Texans during this one in a century snow storm (more like one in a decade thanks to global warming {See the snow storm of Texas 2011}) but I can assure you, he is hurting too...from that sunburn of course. Just like every Texan is in need at the moment, he also is...for some Aloe Vera gel. I mean seriously, what does this man have to do to get some Aloe Vera Gel? Turn the power back on at his local Walgreens? But really, he feels you pain. Have you ever had had a sun burn so bad that it peeled? Because Ted does currently and it is a bitch if I say so myself. Being in that sweltering 100 degree Cancun heat just really takes the energy out of you. I mean, can you name anything worse? On second thought, don't answer that. Anyways, Ted Cruz just wants all you Texans to know that he is also suffering during this hard time. And to top it off, they ran out of Margarita mix at the swim up bar! Now he has to walk all the way to the regular bar at his all-inclusive resort. So if you think your life is bad at the moment, just know Ted Cruz has it worse- oh no the sun in Cancun is so strong it just melted the beads in his hair!