Where's Santa?

Uh-oh, Santa didn’t leave any presents for you this year? Oh no! What happened? Was he sick? Did he get kidnapped? What happened to Santa Claus?

Well you fools, I will tell you what happen to Santa. Santa is sick and tired of your milk and cookies. It’s 2020 and you guys are still leaving him cow milk? The man is 1,750 years old and you don’t think he’s developed a lactose intolerance? That ones on you my friend. Seriously, would it be so hard for just a few of you to leave out some almond milk. Now onto the cookies. As I have said before, Santa is 1,750 years old now, cookies don’t excite him the way they used to. What Santa really wants is herbs, as in weed. Santa has matured over his lifetime and as more and more places legalize marijuana, he has decided to partake in it himself and loves it. With that being said, he’d appreciate it if you left a blunt and lighter for him on the plate, oh- and cookies to actually- the munchies hit Santa pretty hard.

Hopefully this article sticks with you until next year so you can prepare and be ready for Santa this time. If you do just as I said, I promise Santa will leave you presents again, he just may be a little slower delivering them ;)